It is hard to believe it has been two weeks. We miss you SO MUCH. If I close my eyes, I can still imagine you here beside me, rubbing your ears and the way your fur felt. The way it made me feel when I would look deep into your beautiful warm brown eyes.
You were the heart of the house. We brought you home when we had only lived here for 2 weeks. I have only a few memories in this house without you. You are in every corner of this house.
Your bed is still where it was with your pillows in the dining room, but it has been empty for two weeks. Until today, when I found Lola sleeping on it for the first time ever. There is a big empty spot in our bed, too. We all have our most difficult times of the day and for me it is supper time. I only have to grab one food bowl for your sister and there is not all this stuff that has to go in her food for supplements and meds. Your bowl stand is still there, too. We still fill your water bowl. Lola always drank from your water bowl more than her own anyway. The first night I stood over your bowls sobbing like a baby. We all still cry at least once a day.
We’ve been looking at old photos and videos of you. It seems so weird to see you with 4 legs, especially moving and walking on all 4. I miss that 3-legged hopping noise in the house. I miss you whining when you wanted to come up stairs and the baby gates were up or when you needed help up the stairs. There are endless memories that make us laugh. The things you did, the times we had, the good and the bad. (The time you walked around the couch 32 times with a sock in your mouth trying to get us to chase you.) Almost all good memories. The only real bad was when we had to make that tough decision to amputate and then at the end, just two weeks ago. We have no regrets for everything we did. We really did have a wonderful 26 months. Every extra day we had you was so worth it all. You had such a great quality of life for almost all of those 26 months. The surgery was tough and the last month of your life was tough, but it was all so worth it in between. Some might say we did too much, and some might say we didn’t do enough. People always vary wildly on their opinions when it comes to dogs. But we did what we could, when we could, because we could and because we felt it was right for you and for our family.
We will remember your last night in the back yard for a long time to come. Even in that time after the first seizure and before the second, you still had such a want for fun. You ran around the back yard after a ball and I was so sure we had more time left than we did.
Some pictures from our last evening:
I have met so many wonderful people through my dogs. I owe a debt of gratitude to many people who I have met over the years that have mentored and enriched our lives. The list is long and many. I am hopeful you all know who you are, as I wouldn’t want to post everyone’s name here on the internet. But thank you all from the bottom of my heart. We also are very thankful for all the excellent veterinary care he has received through his cancer treatment. I’ve never met such a wonderful caring bunch of people. We could not have gotten through all of this without you and your support. And, of course to Tripawds, to an amazing support community, a place to blog, a place to vent, and a wealth of information and friendship, thank you all so much.
For 26+ months, I tried to “Be More Dog” and live in the moment and not fear tomorrow and not live in the guilt of yesterday. But I failed miserably. I am only human. But I will still try tomorrow and every day after that. For Butchey Hudson, I will keep trying.